The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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