can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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