I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
