Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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