I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
