In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
