i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
