too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
