he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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