he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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