She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
