and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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