Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
