Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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