I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
