I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
