I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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