blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
