His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
