I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
