Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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