I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
