I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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