She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
