bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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