how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
