So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
