His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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