he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
