I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
