we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
