is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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