oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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