I take back everything I said about communal showers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
