We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
