Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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