I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
