oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
