we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
