theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize