She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
