they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
