We're like a lot better than the average bears
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
