I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
