ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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