What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
