I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
