my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
