so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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