Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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