my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
