you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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