Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
