Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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