Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
