Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize