hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
