whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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