I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
