Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
