Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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