well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
