You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
