A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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