Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
