3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well most of my day revolves around power hour
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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