Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize