I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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