I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
