Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
