I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
