It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
