Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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