I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
